33 Lessons in 33 Years: What Burnout, Healing, Motherhood, and Entrepreneurship Have Taught Me
Hey, friend.
Welcome to the InnerBeing Journal.
This is a space where I share honest reflections on mental health, leadership, burnout, entrepreneurship, motherhood, and becoming. I'm so glad you're here.
Birthdays have a way of making us pause... Not just on the year behind us, but on the person we've become because of it. As I approach 33, I've found myself thinking less about accomplishments and more about the lessons that have shaped me—the ones that came through joy, heartbreak, burnout, healing, motherhood, entrepreneurship, faith, and the quiet moments in between. Some lessons were hard earned. Others found me through mentors, clients, family, community, and the moments I almost missed. Together, they've become the foundation for how I lead, how I love, how I care for others, and how I continue to build InnerBeing.
Over the last 33 years, I've been a daughter, sister, mother, therapist, entrepreneur, consultant, researcher, advocate, student and lifelong learner. I've celebrated incredible victories and walked through seasons that stretched me in ways I never expected. These lessons didn't come from reading about life. They came from living it—sometimes gracefully, sometimes imperfectly, but always with a willingness to keep growing. I don't have all the answers, and I'm still learning every day, but these 33 lessons are the truths I've chosen to carry with me into this next chapter. My hope is that somewhere in these reflections, you'll find one that speaks to where you are on your own journey.
1. Bet on Yourself.
No one will ever believe in your vision the way you can. There will be moments when the numbers don't make sense, the support isn't there, and the outcome isn't guaranteed. Bet anyway. Every opportunity I've created started because I was willing to invest in myself before anyone else did. From the date I decided to bet on me, within 30 days some of the most life changing opportunities fell in my lap.
Sometimes the biggest investment you'll ever make is believing you're worth the risk.
2. There's Room at the Table for Everybody.
Success isn't a limited resource. I've learned that collaboration often creates opportunities competition never could. I've learned that no one person or organization can solve our biggest challenges alone. Systems are changed when people with different expertise, lived experiences, and perspectives are willing to pull up a chair and work toward a shared purpose. There's room at the table because it takes all of us to build the future we're working toward.
Someone else's success doesn't diminish your own. Collaboration creates opportunities that competition can't.
3. Do the Thing.
You don't have to know exactly how everything will work out before you begin. Start the business. Submit the application. Host the event. Ask the question. We know we can think about it, research about it, talk about it until we are blue in the face. Take what you know you have and just do it.
You'll never know what's possible until you begin.
4. You Never Know Who You're Inspiring.
Someone is quietly watching you choose courage over comfort. I feel like this is something that i already knew but let get dismissed. it wasn’t until just a few weeks ago I had someone come up to me that I have never met or spoken with, tell me how they loved me work and how much it is encouraging them to seek healing. I was moved to tears because I was secretly worrying I wasn’t being heard. your willingness to show up authentically gives someone else permission to believe they can too. Your impact extends far beyond what you can see.
Your courage may become someone else's permission to believe in themselves.
5. You Also Don't Have To.
One of the most liberating lessons I've learned is that everything isn't yours to carry. You don't have to attend every event, accept every invitation, fix every problem, or say yes to every opportunity. Protecting your peace isn't selfish—it's sustainable. When I realized I can say no and it be a full sentence I felt freedom come in! Say yes to saying no.
Saying "no" creates space for the life you're trying to build.
6. Create Your Own Systems.
Stop trying to force yourself into systems that were never designed for you. Build routines that honor your energy, your brain, your values, and your life. Success becomes much more sustainable when your systems reflect who you are instead of who you think you're supposed to be. I have spent the last 12 years of my adult life trying to emulate what my world should look like based on what I was told and taught. While those lessons were and still are valuable, I needed to adjust them to work based on m own processing abilities. Doing my life has since become more smooth with less crashing.
Build a life that works for you, not one you're constantly trying to survive.
7. You Can Do Hard Things.
Life will ask more of you than you think you can give. Check in with yourself to determine what your plate can take. However, the beauty in hard things is that you'll often discover strengths you didn't know you had. Hard seasons don't define you, they reveal you. this past year has been ROUGH in ways that I could have never imagined. I spent a great deal of time trying to go up, over and around the hard tasks and situations but as they say, the only way out is through. And I know for certain the challenges I experienced over the past year prepared me for all that has happened and what is to come.
Your strength isn't measured by avoiding hard things, but by how you choose to move through them.
8. I Am Magic.
Not because life has been easy, but because I've learned to recognize the resilience, creativity, intuition, and purpose that have carried me through every season. We spend so much time looking for magic around us that we forget to recognize it within ourselves. The empowerment I have felt from using the gifts that were given to me has began to change my life for the better,
Stop searching for the magic that's already within you.
9. You Don't Need Permission.
You don't need permission to change careers, build the business, speak your truth, rest, grow, or become who you're meant to be. The life you want begins when you stop waiting for approval and start trusting yourself. Our society has taught us to wait our turn. But this year I sat back and thought…who is determining when it’s my turn and why am I putting my life in another person’s hand?? I turned on my inner Beyonce and said, “I’m a GROWN WOMAN!!” I put that LLC I applied for 3 years ago straight to use.
The life you're waiting for begins the moment you stop waiting for permission.
10. Change Systems, Not People.
Most people aren't broken, they're responding to broken systems. While personal responsibility matters, we also have to ask better questions about the environments we create. My work has taught me that lasting wellness requires changing both ourselves and the systems around us. Our wellness has often been rooted in something that we needed to fix alone. However, I can deep breathe, journal, dance to boots on the ground day and night, night and day, and systematic racism and capitalism will still have me at work 40 hours per week Monday through Friday, working for pennies, missing time with my family and telling me what I need to do to improve in order to make a livable wage to feed my family. Deep breathe and demand these corporations and institutions begin to take a look at how their policies and procedures move people in the exact opposite direction they wish them to go.
People thrive when the environments around them do, too.
11. Healing Isn't Linear.
Some days you'll feel like you've made incredible progress. Other days old wounds will resurface. Neither day defines your healing. Growth isn't measured by perfection; it's measured by your willingness to keep going. We often look at healing as the final stop. It’s really a journey. What we should really know about healing is how to take the journey and come back to homebase.
Healing isn't about never falling back—it's about continuing to move forward.
12. Rest Is Part of the Work.
Rest isn't something you earn after exhaustion. It's something you prioritize to prevent it. The quality of your work often depends on the quality of your recovery. My great great grandmother, we call her Grady, always used to say, “You love to go, go go.” It was true and in some ways still is true. Between being a black woman and having a touch of ADHD, I’m always thinking of something, doing something, planning something, starting something. However, this year a part of my rest is intentionality. Not taking on too much, honoring that nap when I need it and engaging in things that serve myself and my mission.
Recovery isn't a reward. It's a necessity.
13. Boundaries Are an Act of Self-Respect.
Every boundary is a way of communicating what you value. The people who genuinely care about you may not always understand your boundaries, but they'll learn to respect them. My therapist told me a few years ago that people may not like or agree with your boundary because if they did then..it’s not a boundary. They might get mad and that is ok. How mad might you be when you find all of your self respect has left the building?
Every boundary you set is an act of self-respect.
14. Community Changes Everything.
Healing happens faster when we don't have to do it alone. Whether it's family, friends, mentors, or chosen community, the right people remind us who we are when we forget. It is in our biological make up to engage with others and make connections. My mom always has preached to make connections and keep in contact with those connections. Our community is what will propel us forward and Innerbeing as a whole is a testament to that because I could not be doing this work today without those community connections I hav made along the way.
We heal best when we remember we were never meant to do life alone.
15. Children Need Connection Before Correction.
The mama in me just couldn’t keep my baby out of this. I am like the person showing off and talking about their pets 24/7. It’s becasue motherhood truly changes your life and also, a lot of what we research in behavioral health is done through understanding the development of children from childhood to adulthood. I've learned that behavior is communication. Whenever my daughter is fussy, struggling with her listening ears, hanging upside down from the walls, before screaming “Girl what in the world is your issue??!!” I ask, “What do you need?” I have done that since she could talk and she has always been able to respond with exactly what she needs. Whether she is hungry, tired, or had a rough day-a hug, tickles, to play barbies, to watch a movie together, is almost always apart of that response. Before asking what's wrong with a child, ask what happened to them and what they need. Connection creates the safety that makes growth possible.
Connection opens hearts in ways correction never can.
16. Joy Is Not a Reward.
Joy isn't something reserved for vacations, promotions, or milestones. It's something worth cultivating in ordinary moments. Life becomes richer when we stop postponing joy. A lot of us have bossed so hard we don’t even know that our joy has been lost. I can remember being in Houston for my birthday and the Cowboy Carter Tour last year. If you know me you know I LOVE Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter. But, while I was there eating some of the best food I’ve ever had, partying like it was 2011 at somebodies closet sized apartment at Bowling Green State University, and seeing Beyonce swing from the ceiling in her hometown, there were moments I found myself convincing myself I was having fun. It was like I knew I was supposed to be having fun but I couldn’t feel it. My joy was gone. When I got home, I started my journey searching for that feeling, searching for JOY.
Joy isn't something to earn—it's something to practice.
17. Build a Life You Don't Need to Escape From.
Success means very little if your everyday life leaves you depleted. Build routines, relationships, and work that allow you to experience peace on a Tuesday afternoon—not just during vacations. My partner once said to me, “If you need a break from it, maybe you need to reevaluate it’s place in your life.” I’ll be honest, when he first said it I was irritated. We were talking about work, relationships and my constant need for a get away every 3-5 business days. I thought I had my prioroties straight an I thought I was dong what i was supposed to be doing. This was just apart of adulthood, hating your life, right? No. I was today years old when I found out that I can actually live a life that brings me peace. I can build that life because like I said (Beyonce said), “ I’m a GROWN WOMAN!!” I deserve peace everyday even if not all day so that my vacations can be an extension of that peace and not the only place it lives.
Build a life that feels good to live, not one you constantly need a break from.
18. Progress Is Better Than Perfection.
Perfection delays purpose. Progress creates momentum. Every imperfect step teaches you something that waiting never will. I grew up in a family that is very Type A leaning. Things needed to be in order. Things needed to have a place. While I do still believe this in a way, I also learned that this mindset and way of doing things is what was holding me hostage. I felt I needed everything all at once in line to move forward. There was a moment this year that jolted me to where I am today that I will not elaborate on here because I think that part of my story is still being written, however it made me realize that not only was it time to just do the thing, it also did not need to be perfect. Each phone call, each denial, each email, each meeting, each post is propelling me forward and is considered progress. The mistakes along the way will inform and refine all that I and Innerbeing are to become.
Progress will take you further than perfection ever will.
19. Your Voice Matters.
There were rooms I once believed I didn't belong in. Imposter syndrom is real. Whether I am educating my community, sitting in rooms with CEOs and government officials, I have had the feeling that I couldn’t imagine what I could possibly offer that people don’t already know. This year I made a bold move in the professional space that I only could have dreamed about doing just 8 months ago. I hadn’t considered myself worthy to speak up and reach out to some of the biggest decision makers within my field. I did it, i was heard, I was respected and I was given an opportunity. From that I learned that your perspective is valuable precisely because of your experiences. Speak anyway.
Your voice deserves a seat at every table you enter.
20. Money Is a Tool, Not Your Identity.
Financial success can create opportunities, but it doesn't determine your worth. Build wealth, but don't confuse your income with your value. Crazy enough what I am actually finding is that if you are in alignment with your identity, you won’t have to worry about the money. It will naturally grow. And off that I could take a lap but we can save the WON’T HE DO IT praise break for another platform.
Your worth has never been measured by your income.
21. Be Curious Instead of Certain.
Some of the greatest growth in my life came from asking better questions rather than believing I already had all the answers.
When I was in elementry school my mom used to always tell me if you don’t know somthing raise your hand and ask. But I am sure we all have been there, being too shy to speak up for fear of being made fun of, also adding the layer that I was often the only brown girl in my suburban and catholic schools which felt as though it came with even extra scrutiny. To be honest, this is a lesson that I was also today years old when it really sank in. I started asking questions and leading with curiosity. The discoveries that have come forth are still unfolding.
The best answers often begin with better questions.
22. You Can Pivot Without Failing.
Changing direction isn't giving up. Sometimes growth requires letting go of a path that no longer aligns with who you're becoming. I was talking with another business owner about this. To others it may seem you are all over the place or disconnected. As a visionary, as and entrepreneur, as a parent, as a human, sometimes we have to alter the course but he vision is still the same. This is not failure but commitment to seeing it through to it’s full potential.
Changing direction isn't failure—it's growth.
23. Leadership Is Service.
Leadership isn't about being the loudest voice in the room. It's about creating opportunities, developing others, and leaving people better than you found them. I have been asked on many occasions in interviews and speaking with colleagues, what do I need in a leader or how do I lead. I used to say the same old things we all say; someone who is approachable, someone who is avaialble, someone who listens blab, blab, blab (as my Grady would say). It’s not that those things aren’t important because they are however, that is the low hanging fruit that are the bare bones of what makes a leader. There was a situation for me this year that helped me solidify the leader I want to be and the leader I hope others can receive. Impact is the biggest driver as a leader. Having compassion, seeing your team/community as human, and uplifting their goals and desires, even if it doesn’t meet your KPIs (yes, corporate America your numbers actually don’t matter and can’t matter, sorry!). This is because, when you see your team/community as humans with individual lives and experiences and creating space for that individual to work within their natural capacity and towards their personal mission, they will actually want to show up and do the work. For bonus points, may even refer others to you for the next steps in that person’s journey (I know, shocker, right!). The truth I’ve learned is that people don’t leave jobs necessarily, they leave leadership. The key to leadership is understanding your position as being of service and assisting in the growth and development of those coming after you.
Leadership is measured by the people you empower, not the position you hold.
24. Give Yourself Grace.
Mistakes. You will outgrow old versions of yourself. Give yourself compassion and grace.
We are often our own worst critic. We often aim for perfection and we see all of the flaws that others often don’t even notice. I remember once I had an interview that I did awful on. I was pretty advanceded in my career by this point and I was so disappointed in myself. It was one of those situations that even after forgiving myself for the trainwreck I still cringe when I think about it. After pondering, replaying and tortuiring myself about it, I was able to be the friend to myself that I am to others by just thinking about what i might say to a friend who had this experience. I would say something like “You win some you lose some but you live..you live to fight another day. (RIP John Witherspoon). So if I can be so lighthearted and and encourage grace in someone else, I BETTER give it to myself! Besides, I didn’t need to land that job anyways, cause look at me now. I’m the boss. Founder and CEO to be exact!
Offer yourself the same grace you so freely give to others.
25. Keep Showing Up.
Consistency often beats talent. Small, faithful steps over time create extraordinary results.
Consistency often beats talent. Small, faithful steps over time create extraordinary results.
There were many moments this past year when it would have been easier to stop. Between financial uncertainty, watching someone I love navigate significant health challenges, balancing doctoral work, building a business, showing up for my family and continuing to serve others, there were days when simply getting out of bed felt like enough. I questioned myself more times than I'd like to admit. I wondered whether I was moving too slowly, whether the work mattered, and whether I was capable of carrying everything that was on my plate.
But every time I chose to keep going—to send one more email, write one more page of my dissertation, attend one more meeting, or simply try again the next day—I moved a little closer to the life I was building. I've learned that breakthroughs don't always happen because we're the smartest or most talented person in the room. Sometimes they happen because we're the ones who keep showing up long after we wanted to quit.
Small, consistent steps create extraordinary lives.
26. Your Story Has Purpose.
The chapters you wanted to skip may become the very lessons someone else needs to hear. Our stories become meaningful when we're willing to share them.
A part of the reason I wanted to share this 33 lessons for 33 years is to begin the telling of my story. It is early in the story but I felt it was time to share. So much is shifting in our world and many of us are wondering what is next. What will life look like for me an for us 1 year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now? If I can empower one person to begin to choose themselves, I will have considered this successful. While our experience is our own, it can spark something in another that can change the trajectory of their entire lives.
The world doesn't need another copy. It needs the version of you that only you can be.
27. Choose Alignment Over Applause.
Not everyone will understand your decisions. Make them anyway if they're aligned with your values. Peace is worth more than approval. I had a reiki session this year and she told me DO WHAT YOU WANT! What they think literally doesn’t matter. If I could tell you all the alignment that has come with moving in my purpose you would think I was lying. Like I mentioned before, I won’t say too much because my story is still being written but the peace that has come from being in alignment really does surpass understanding and it can happen for you too!
Choose peace over applause every time.
28. Protect Your Peace.
Peace isn't passive. It's something you intentionally cultivate through your choices, your boundaries, and the environments you create.
There are people, places and things that I simply just don’t engage with any longer. Some may say it is harsh because they are family, they were a friend for so long, it was so much fun. None of that matters if my nervous system is dysregulated and I have to spend 72 hours picking my body and brain off the floor when it’s over. Don’t you see this is 33 lessons for 33 years? That means I am 33 years old and in me and my mom’s girl math that means I’m 40 years old. I am indeed too old to not protect my peace because like we say i’m not about to bend over backwards. It might literally break my back.
Protecting your peace is one of the healthiest decisions you'll ever make.
29. Success Looks Different for Everyone.
Don't measure your life against someone else's timeline. Build a definition of success that reflects your values and not society's expectations. I know it is a bit cliche to say, if I can help one person I have done what I set out to do, however, this is where I truly measure my success. I mentioned before the one person I touched which encouraged me to keep going. Out of the few thousand followers I have across platforms if one person was able to verbalize how my work has impacted them, I could imagine there may be more. Comparison is the thief of joy and your success is your own, so celebrate where you are and the progress you have made!
Success is most fulfilling when it's defined by your values—not someone else's expectations.
30. Hope Is a Discipline.
Hope isn't pretending everything is okay. It's choosing to believe that something better is still possible, even when today feels heavy.
Hope has looked different for me over the years. Sometimes it looked like believing there would be enough financially, even when I couldn't yet see how everything would come together. Sometimes it looked like trusting that difficult health seasons wouldn't last forever. Sometimes it looked like continuing to write my dissertation one page at a time while wondering if I would ever reach the finish line. And sometimes hope simply looked like getting up the next morning and trying again.
I've learned that hope isn't passive optimism. It's an intentional decision to keep planting seeds even when you haven't yet seen the harvest. It doesn't ignore reality—it simply refuses to let today's circumstances have the final say.
Hope isn't ignoring reality—it's believing tomorrow is still worth showing up for.
31. Leave Things Better Than You Found Them.
Whether it's a conversation, a workplace, a community, or a person, strive to leave a positive impact wherever you go.
This has become one of the values that guides my life. Whether I'm sitting with a therapy client, facilitating a workshop, consulting with an organization, speaking to students, or simply having a conversation with someone in line at the grocery store, I hope people leave feeling a little lighter, a little more hopeful, or a little more seen than they did before we met.
We don't always get to change someone's circumstances, but we can change how they experience a moment. Sometimes that is enough to remind them they aren't alone.
Leave people, places, and systems a little better than you found them.
32. The Work Is Bigger Than Me.
I've learned that this journey isn't just about building a business. It's about contributing to healthier communities, changing conversations around mental health, and helping others believe healing is possible. I was recently challenged on who would find the value in my work. Initially, I took offense,because like Erykah said, I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shh… However, after sitting with it longer it made me realize here are so many out there who don’t see the value and impact mental health conversations have on our overall society. This is exactly why I am called to do this work.
Purpose grows when it's rooted in service, not recognition.
33. Keep Becoming.
At 33, I don't have life figured out, and I don't need to. I'm grateful for every lesson, every challenge, and every opportunity to become a little more myself.
If there's one thing these last few years have taught me, it's that becoming never really ends. There will always be another lesson to learn, another fear to overcome, another dream to pursue, another version of ourselves waiting on the other side of courage.
When I look back, I see a little girl with big dreams who simply wanted to help people. I see a young woman trying to find her place, wondering if she was enough. I see seasons of grief, burnout, financial strain, uncertainty, unexpected opportunities, answered prayers, and moments that changed the trajectory of my life forever. Through it all, one thing has remained constant: I've continued becoming.
That journey has led me here—to building InnerBeing, pursuing my doctorate, creating spaces for healing, speaking in rooms I once thought I'd never enter, and discovering that purpose often grows in the places where we least expect it.
I don't know exactly what the next 33 years will bring, but I know this: I'll keep learning. I'll keep growing. I'll keep choosing joy. I'll keep choosing peace. I'll keep choosing community. Most importantly, I'll keep choosing myself so that I can continue showing up fully for the people and communities I'm called to serve.
If you've made it this far, thank you for walking through these lessons with me. I hope they reminded you that wherever you are in your journey, you're allowed to evolve. You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to start over. You're allowed to rest. You're allowed to dream bigger. And above all else, you're allowed to become.
Here's to 33 years of lessons—and a lifetime of becoming.
You are not behind—you are becoming.
Until next time, keep choosing you, keep becoming, and remember—you don't have to do it alone.
With gratitude,
Tiara Bostock, MSW, LSW
Founder & CEO, InnerBeing Counseling
